Man, they were everywhere. I have never seen so many cops in my entire life, most of whom seemed to be doing nothing of real significance aside from creating problems instead of solving them. Where pray tell might I be talking about? Well, I am talking about Russia and the former Soviet republics. You would think that with the number of police they have milling about in the cities and hiding behind buildings and bushes in the countryside in these countries that crime would be virtually nonexistent. Unfortunately, many of the cops are not there to protect and serve but instead are there to profit and make things unpleasant. You know something is not right when a traffic cop is driving a Benz to work from his mansion on the hill.
I can’t say we weren’t prepared for a few encounters with cops on the take, but I definitely was not expecting to see as many as I did. Fortunately for us, we managed to make it through the minefield of questionable cops relatively unscathed. Overall, you can not really predict what types of cops you are going to encounter. Travel blogs are full of verbiage about "police on the prowl" and getting fleeced for simply having a pulse. Unfortunately very few sites offer any real information on what to expect and how much, probably because everyone has a different experience when driving through these areas.
The Uzbek cops were just waiting to see who showed up at the flash Toyotas parked in Samarkand
If there is one rule to abide by: play dumb and ask a lot of questions. Cops on the take don’t like to do a lot of paperwork, so the more documents you shove in their face and the more receipts you ask for, the more likely they are to get annoyed with you and move onto the next sucker. Simply saying no and goodbye repeatedly in the local language was enough of a Jedi mind trick to avoid some unanticipated ATM withdrawals. If anything, hold out for as long as possible… the more you waste their time, the more retirement fund contributors drive by. Who knows, maybe if enough people hold out, they will be forced into doing some actual police work. In places like Yosemite and Yellowstone, they have signs that read, "Don’t feed the bears." If the bears learn that people will feed them, the more they will want to interact with them… the more people feed the corrupt cops, the more they will want to interact with them.
"If you want to give me a ‘ticket,’ you’ll have to fill out a lot of paperwork."
In sum, the shadiest cops we encountered were in Kazakhstan and Azerbaijan. Fortunately, the dumbest cops we encountered were also in Kazakhstan and Azerbaijan, so we were able to wiggle our way out of virtually all shakedown attempts. By the time the cops tried to levy a bogus charge in order to leave Azerbaijan, we had become veterans of the game and they didn’t know what hit them. Uzbekistan took the cake for the number of checkpoints as we encountered an average of about four per day during the week and a half we were there. We did have some good experiences of note… the cops in Almaty, Kazakhstan were genuinely interested in helping us when we got robbed and in Uzbekistan, even though they have more cops that actual citizens, the police we encountered were all very friendly, especially when greeted with an "assalam alaikum" handshake.
We started keeping track of the number of times we got pulled over and the number of checkpoints we had to clear, but after the ink went dry in the pen, realized we would get writers cramp trying to document all of our encounters. In the end, we spent a little over a month in Russia and former Soviet republics. In that time, we got pulled or waved over approximately a dozen times, completely ignored at least four more, drove through about 25 checkpoints and managed to get through it all for only a little over $40, most of which came from my speeding ticket in the last 10 kilometers of Azerbaijan. The speeding ticket technically should not count since the guy did have a radar gun, although it probably hasn’t been recalibrated in quite a while.
